Let’s talk raw

Normal not normal:

“We left everything on God because whenever we try to escape we come back to the same place. So it’s all his wish now..”

~ Sex Worker

This generation is the future. That’s what we keep saying ourselves and the so called society. Technically that’s very ancient saying because guess what, the modernity never came. Wether it had been the historical stories , where the kings logically “fucked” as many of the women they wanted inspite of having wives or just enjoy their authority to the fullest. The later medieval period when the British came, people started to think themselves new. But all they saw was only one more new step to bring a cheap society, today.  We all seem to have washed ourselves with that permanent pinch of extra salt that ruined our mind, life, society and future. Certainly, everything comes to the ‘pleasure’. My point here today is not any basic idea analysis of planned modern future that humans are obsessed with, but with something very raw and true that we tend to confidently overlook because why not , everything comes down to the society after all.

What will you do if i talk about the idea of sex or being horny? You’re comfortable reading it out right ? It doesn’t matter and bother anymore if you are not. The adult phase of life is hell. Not because people have responsibilities and a gentle reminder to sort their career, but because they are intended to have a great sex life. Their aim to get a job is only to have money to get themselves a good sex life. Many keep it going from their early 15’s and continue fulfilling their darkest desires until they find someone to jump on next with the better version of getting laid onn. I really can’t help if that bothers you. You might as well know me , but this thing just didn’t feel right anymore. 

Starting off with the introduction , which was quite the wonderful punch of direct facts , I’d like to mention one small known information here. Why do we become the unforgivable , selfish bunch of sexual hypocrites when it comes down the see the real movie?Let’s frame it again, why do we not see the other half of the same darkest desire, THE SEX WORKERS. There was this random Facebook video I was watching the other day. Sometimes you just have these triggering posts to awake your actual human dignity. It did to me.

The main discussion was about the women, lots of such abused yet dignified and most pure women who reside by GB ROAD , DELHI. Yes! They are the sex workers. The first question i had after the introduction of the first lady was, “How much money do they make? They have a good life right? ” I mean yeah, technically the whole oasis makes us see the outside painting where it just perfect for us to overlook the situation very carelessly and confidently but for how many more days can we keep on doing this ? What are they then? Aren’t they the same blood and heart humans we all are? The story further moves when my question of them being rich ended only on one answer the other women gave , “we get 25 INR from our clients”. Now imagine this sacrifice of ruining their name and putting everything at stake just for 25 INR. It all made so much sense when i understood that why was it always said that this generation will be the future. Apparently it will not be a pleasant one but who cares right? Everyone just has some part of their expectations and debts that they would like to take back from their children. The women had their children too. The small kids who were and are a part of the same future we all are looking at. But , what do they do when all they know is to hide their identity so that people don’t term them as “the children from that community”.

They sell their bodies for some horny adult men. They do get ready and decked up for those demons who come pay and feed on their body to calm their inner thirsty demons. And here, in some perfect real world as we suggest it to be , the teenagers are taking “sex” to be their cool obsession they flirt with quiet often now. The children had to work for their own money. What is insurance or a bank for them? Nothing. They don’t have enough money to save in for future because do they even have one? The women are trafficked from big cities and states like Bengal, Nepal etc when they were offered with the chai and Parle-G biscuits . Little did they know that that helpful gesture by the ‘Nyka’ as they call the leader , was a plan to ruin them in disguise.

It breaks my heart to say that this topic is such intimate and intense that I shall go on speaking about this for hours but how much even can you read. Only a few more words to say. In the interview, all they wished for was to give their kids a good future where it is enough if they even start their own small shop and earn some clean money.

Do you get me now? This is very wierd and so not good when I say that my whole point was that we could not be enough humans. There is this hierarchy of people who maintain their own classes to live their own life. Why can’t we be there for people in the RED LIGHT AREAS in our own cities and atleast try to make them feel better. That they are also the part of this same society the others are a part of. Where one side sex is a cool idea of your orgasms working and being in action. On the other hand, we see sex to be dirty because they do it unwillingly for money. Indeed, the society is the hypocrite.

© TrayeeSarkar

We did not wish for this. People give us slangs.

~ Them

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There’s this betrayal:

It is this one song sometimes and sometimes the silence which really does speak to me. It says…i don’t know what but it does not feel good. I had always been much more than what I should have been. Extra for the one I loved maybe. Everything was very normal until she was clean, comforted in her old tune of loving him because there was this peace. Can’t be explained how much of a surreal feeling that “was”. I can’t switch the past tense with this monotonous present. Can’t do it anymore because now, I am guilty too.

Loving someone is a tough execution. All you want to do for the rest of your life is just to keep them close, real close , all perfectly fine and knitted. But, suddenly there is this regret. The regret that i did not understand how that perfect feeling turned into a sense of unnecessary insecurity. Doubts. The first few months were exactly what they dream it would have been for them. I never felt the same with anyone else. It did not take much time for me to understand how much one single person can mean.

When you left, it was and is still the same. Broken, missing and something doesn’t feel right with people around me. The connection is lost. You know I always used to blame you for committing to certain decisions which had been wrong. But in the long run i skipped my part. The part which was wrong. The part which could have been avoided. The one ridiculous part of our time. Admitting to those when you lost him already is the worst punishment one gets. Trust me, it is.

Maybe keeping you was so necessary for me that i got scared. To loose you forever for some unknown reason that might walk into our lives. Protection from the unknown became so important that i felt i was loosing you. Guess eventually I did anyway. It was all again the same gut feeling which spoke to me days before but i just did not lend my ear to the warning. Over caring does make you loose someone huh?

Today, i cannot say you anything. Cannot go and blame you. Cannot speak up to you because even if you were wrong somewhere somehow, i was wrong before you . I was insecured before you. I was committing the event already. The difference occured when you left and I still kept hanging without any intention of what happened. But it’s okay right? I mean, you are successful. You left and never bothered to try once again. That’s where i get hurt. All this for someone , being the guilty one and not even a last try?

Yes, i do miss you a lot. A lot that i ever spoke and a lot that you ever let me speak. I feel that this feeling wasn’t worthy. You made me feel so. But what to do when you love someone. I know what you did, i don’t know why? But i know that I HAD BEEN BETRAYING THE TRUST LONG BEFORE. I had been loosing you already. For that I can never be out of this trip and tripping over the one mistake i make.