Quest for what? Certainly, we all do have a few things going on in our minds. Always. Sometimes, we do confront what’s there and sometimes we just decide to not face the whole working of your mind construction. Although, it is a wrecked construction site ; it feels like one in one way or the other. So, the quest for what exactly?
So far, I’ve understood the working of human minds in such a way that it somehow becomes more personal and perceptive but again, a more global exposure of what the other dozen of people think. Maybe, they do have a similar opinion on this topic, as me. Now, for me, the quest begins on understanding. Understanding and the act of understanding are different yet interrelated to the same branch of figuring out things which seem impossible to be figured out. Doesn’t make much sense here, for you might just keep pointing out at the quest. The quest here, is exactly based on the act of understanding.
This goes on and on for there is something that keeps bothering you. Maybe, at the end of the day, you crave for it. For the understanding of why you are the way you are. But, then, do they know the ‘why?’ It kills me to go through the process over and over again because how much more? Adulting should not be difficult. It can be different, right? Yet, even if you make so many wishes for that one understanding, it does not seem to be choosing you so much. Is there any fault of mine to think, if this quest even wants me enough on board with it!
Penning down what you feel is more like the sunset on a cloudy day. You wait for 10 minutes, when the sky will all be clear and there you are glancing at the empty canvas and watching it take over a million reasons to be so beautiful. Isn’t your life the same? At least I think so. Last year, there was a man whom I thought was the one for me. I thought maybe now I got a friend who would understand the way I am. The way I prefer to be. But, eventually, all of those expectations seemed to vanish because a question arose from all the moments of light, “Why are you this way? You don’t have to be like this.” Accepting it was skeptical because I never knew what to do with that statement. After all, how can someone I met just months ago, question me for who I am! No. This was not something I wanted for this quest of mine.
It remains this way for a long time. Rather, that it will remain the same for a long term. If you ask me what this means, I would describe it to be an ever changing temporary season, which has its own beauty. It brings about the changes, the allegations, the question, the tears, the urge to pen it down and the will to give up. There cannot be a single person who can understand you, except you. People, your friends, your best friend and the closest one in your work place or college, are all mere characters for your self-understanding.
Everyone knows a different version of you. You are different when you are at a cafe, you are different when you are at home, you are again different when you meet your school friends and you are definitely different when you meet your best friend. Each of them understands you for yourself. But, at the end of the day, maybe you will never be getting that attention over your rawness. After all, does anyone ever really try reading you anyway? I guess, you are used to moulding yourself, based on what they would want you to be for them. This quest never ends.
© Trayee
Hello There 